The Pizza Dare
The pizza dare is one that I often get involved with when away from home, I tend to use major chains such as Pizza Hut when doing this dare as I've found that most of their employees are in their late teens/early twenties and come from cultural backgrounds that are unlikely to be offended or misconstrue a harmless bit of fun.
A few years back I rented a country cottage for the weekend with two of my friends, we spent the first day hiking and taking full advantage of both the village pubs within walking distance. Our plan had been to purchase food from local shops; unfortunately what we had forgotten to take into account is that in these small villages tend to close quite early. This meant that when we returned home that evening there was very little food at all, which is to say 5 bottles of wine, 1 bag of kettle chips, 2 oranges and a half eaten mars bar.
We had all been drinking so driving to the nearest town was quite out of the question, so after a brief scrabble through to the door to decide the order we would get to use the shower (they had a great incentive to win for reasons which will soon become apparent) we thought it would be a good idea to try and order food in. Before I left for my shower Clare suggested we should try and order in some pizza, since this is one food which is really hard to mess up, they would shout me once somewhere to deliver had been found.
The amenities of the cottage were somewhat limited but it seems the owners had the common decency to install a power-shower with enough pressure to punch a hole in a brick wall, the very thing you dream of after a day’s hiking. While I was relaxing under the shower head Clare shouted through the door, the only words that I understood were "Pizza", "60" and "that Okay?" In response I shouted back "No problem" and decided that with an hour to go there would be no problem if I spent another ten easing away the aches in my shoulders from lumping a rucksack around all day. So twenty-five minutes later I wandered into the living room my hair still damp and a towel wrapped tightly around me.
Quite warmed through I slumped down into the chair by the fire and poured myself a glass of wine, since the scrabble board was set up so I reached over to collect my tiles. Julie said “The food will be here soon so we should probably wait till it arrives, I mean it’s already overdue” to which Clare who had clearly been waiting for the opportunity commented that this was just as well given that someone had spent the last half hour showering! I just grinned sheepishly since they both knew from experience that I tended to lose track of time under such circumstance, then it struck me that they had said the Pizza was late.
“Hang on, I thought you said it would be sixty minutes for it to arrive?” to which Clare responded “It should have been here 10 minutes ago, it will cost sixty pounds though... let me guess you had your head stuck under the water?”
“£60 for pizza... what exactly did you order?” I queried.
Julie responded “3 Large pizzas, a Garlic Bread and some wedges... the delivery was quite high for them to come out here and we had to ring up three places before someone would agree to do it, they are giving us the wedges for free though!”
Clare spoke up saying “I did run up and ask before we ordered but you were clearly in your happy place, besides its only £20 each so it’s not too bad”. The problem was that there had also been a shortage of cash machines in the villages and after our libation led expedition I only had about £15 left, I went and checked my purse to confirm this was the case then spoke to the girls.
“I haven’t quite got enough, any chance of a sub?”, straight away Clare responded that it wouldn’t be a problem but then began to grin “Though that would mean you wouldn’t have any money left for tomorrow, I’ll tell you what, answer the door wearing the towel and I’ll chip in £10 for your share”.
Clare knew I would happily do this so while we were laughing I responded “Well it only seems fair...”, and was about to agree before Julie butted in that this was far too easy. While Clare knew that I would sunbathe topless on holiday and take the odd tame dare, Julie actually knew the sort of things I had got up to in the past (often with her helping out). So I quickly answered “And what would you suggest?” and Julie said “Lose the towel, you answer the door in buff and pay for the pizza”.
This had Clare doubled over laughing saying “you can’t make her do that!”, I pretended that I would not go along with it but Julie said she would pay the other £10 if I did... there was a loud knocking from the door and Clare managed to say “so are you really going to do it?”. My heart beating a little faster I stood up, removed the towel and folded it onto the chair, the words sticking in my throat “Okay, do you have the money?”
Clare was really convulsing while trying to stop laughing long enough to form a response, Julie shouted through into the passage that she would just be a minute then sorted out the money and handed it to me. I was actually quite nervous at this point, in part because I had never done anything like this when Clare was around and I was starting to feel the butterflies in my stomach. I took a deep breath and mentally took control and began walking towards the front door the coldness of the passage was giving my Goosebumps everywhere.
It felt like it had taken a long to reach the door and by the time I arrived Julie had managed to drag Clare to the doorway to watch. I decided to play this out as though I had found a loophole knowing that Julie would insist on the ‘spirit’ of the dare being followed, so holding the money in my left hand I opened the door with my right keeping the door pressed firmly against me... the coldness and emotion of what I was doing meant certain parts of my anatomy were quite tender at this point so it was not particularly comfortable.
I would guess the man delivering the pizza was in his early twenties; he had the look of a student about him despite the bright red delivery jacket and did not at this point appear too impressed at having been kept waiting. This look turned to confusion when greeted by two laughing women at the other end of the passage and my blushing face, bare left shoulder and arm peeking around the door. I said “Hi”, and tried to pass him the money, he was just about to take it when Julie shouted “That’s not the deal Al, come on you know me better than that!”. This set Clare off again who was starting to have difficulty breathing she was laughing so much.
I looked at the deliveryman and said one moment, withdrew my hand then closed the door again as he once more looked confused. I now moved so I was standing free of the door with the handle in my right hand, my chest felt really tight and I was holding my breath... I wanted to do this but almost felt paralysed. As Clare managed to blurt out “Al you really don’t have too” I took control and opened the door wide.
The first thing to hit me was the cold, there was a cloudless sky and after such a warm day it seemed that there was a true balance in the evenings temperatures. The goose bumps were especially visible around my nipples which were now perfectly erect as I stood there feet apart shivering slightly, making no attempt to cover myself beyond rubbing my arms a little for warmth.
The deliveryman finally understood what the laughing had been about and his eyes were open as wide as they could possibly go. We stood there like that for about 20 seconds neither of us moving before Julie broke the silence saying “You still have to pay him... and the pizzas getting cold”. My hand shaking I lifted up the money and attempted to hand it over, he clumsily took it from me then tried to count out the change while I waited with a hand extended.
He ended up dropping the coins onto the ground and without thinking dropped down onto one knee to pick them up, without really thinking... it was only when he lifted his head up again and found himself about an inch away from my fluff that he realised what he had done. Again seemingly paralyzed and blushing furiously he knelt there staring for almost a minute while Julie was now doubled over laughing. Finally managing to stammer out an apology not knowing where to look he stood up using the doorframe to help him, pausing slightly as his eyes reached my breasts.
Finally he handed over the change and the receipt while trying not to stare, then he turned around and opened up the container on the back of his bike to took out the pizzas, which is fortunate as otherwise they would have been freezing by now. Once he handed over the food I said “Thanks, you have a great evening” to which he mumbled something almost incomprehensible as I tapped the door closed with my foot and placed the food on the sideboard.
I was just about to close the door properly when Julie shouted “You forgot the tip” waving a £5 note, prompting a fairly obvious response from Clare. To be honest I felt he had already had quite a tip but with a raised eye-brow decided to play along, reopening the door as he was putting his helmet back on I indicated to wait for one moment then walked along the passage to Julie, allowing him to view the only part of me which had remained hidden so far.
Julie handed over the £5 and walked back up the passage then outside almost dancing over the gravel in bare feet (not the best of ideas), handed him the tip and said “keep this to yourself, okay” and gave him a quick hug before heading back indoors. As the door closed behind me for the last time I leaned back against it the enormity of what I had done this evening struck, and I began laughing as much as the other two.
Once I had regained my composure I picked up the food, carried it down to the other end of the passage and handed it over to Julie. It really had to be Julie since Clare would be in no fit condition to so much as stand up for at least another 10 minutes. Leaving her to set things up I decided it would probably be a good idea to go and find clothing more suitable to a glass of wine and a game of scrabble since in truth I was a bit cold.
Quickly getting dressed I headed back into the living room to find that they had kindly left the chair by the fire for me, Clare was still bursting into giggling fits at sporadic moments with seemingly no control at all which led to some very long turns waiting for her to place the tiles. It also seemed an extra pizza had been delivered too so we all ended up eating far too much, but it was a very memorable evening and probably my favourite pizza dare.
I’ve probably completed around ten pizza dares over the years but I will not write about all of them since most are slight variations on a theme which would be repetitive to read (though most are much shorter). The other variations have been losing my towel on the door handle, wearing a t-shirt that is ‘almost’ long enough and pretending to be hypnotised while on my hen night.
Love Alice x.
P.S I should mention this but there are three great traditions whenever we go away:
- The playing of scrabble.
- The playing of Gobbos (a GW card game, often played when in no fit state for scrabble).
- At least one bottle of wine per person.
While we may not actually finish a whole bottle of wine we all like different ones and have very different opinions about what goes with which food, so it’s just a lot easier and saves all the procrastination at the supermarket... in short everyone is happy this way!